You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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