do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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