Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
