Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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