if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
