I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
