not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
