i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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