so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
