someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
