Me too!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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