Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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