I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
