I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Green mimosas i think yes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
