Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
