My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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