I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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