Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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