No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
