apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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