She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
