Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
