i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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