I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
