My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
