Cold hands, warm shart.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
