i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
