Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
