We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize