first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
