I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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