i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my being single is dangerous.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
