i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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