Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
