Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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