Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
