dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
