I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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