what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
