Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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