that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
