I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
