The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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