Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
