Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
