Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
