Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize