Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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