quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
