I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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