Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
