I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
