We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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