I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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