Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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