broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
