Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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