Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
