I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
