it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
