The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
