I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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