I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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