Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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