So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and she was petting her beer can
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
