so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
